Hedge your Ponzi scheme bets, Wall Street wizards,

but beware the Hollows and their dabbling

for they seek to slay the king lizard

with their troll-lol-lol lulz Reddit babbling.

They are wise to your games and your ruse

and no dark sorceries could hurt you more

than when they faux “Praise The Sun” to confuse

this game of short-trading, making you poor.

“What is the point?” you casuals ask,

“when they’ll lose, in the end, all they invest?”

To drain it all down like an estus flask

and make you go Hollow like the rest,

because the Fire fades, friend, to cool embers

and the Age of Dark comes, and, so, its heirs,

and the Dark Lord, and the pigmy members

praise Manus with their abyssal prayers.

We would much rather overthrow Lord Gwyn,

that hypocrite and hedge-fund tyrant king,

than submit to the status quo First Sin—

we plunge Darkward with Artorias’s ring.

This is jolly cooperation, friend,

such as Sun Bros seek with their soapstones,

but we seek the Eclipse, an ashen End,

for the Lords of Cinders on their short-trade thrones.

A reckoning, thus, is the purpose sought,

for the adherents to the Way of White;

the Fire fades, even as the flame burns hot—

git gud, scrub, for the PVP fight.