Come on—let’s go bar hopping,
drink-drink-drinking, no stopping
as we careen bar to bar
in my leaden-footed car.
Shots of bourbon, vodka, rum,
drinking until kingdom come,
drunk amphibian delight
swimming till first morning light,
bleary-eyed as a bullfrog
fattened on flies, brain agog
with the sloshing swamp’s flood-tide
and the moonlit moonshine ride,
shotglasses like lily pads,
stepping stones for the mad lads
who burp karaoke songs
and stuff bills in stripper thongs.
Beer and whiskey—booze, booze, booze!
Drink as if there’s nought to lose,
webbed-hands clutching empty cans,
head dizzy as ceiling fans,
draining to dregs each bottle
and driving on, full throttle;
bloated, clammy, puking up
into your red solo cup.
Cluster ‘round a gorgeous gal,
compete with your dearest pal
for the lady long of leg
who, smiling sly, wants to peg
while you pass out on her couch
as she aims her dildo—ouch!
What now? Don’t go reneging
just ‘cuz of some frog-gigging.
When it’s raining firewater
you must be a globe trotter
and drink the weekend away,
hopping down-road, come what may.